ಹಾಸ್ಯ

ಚಿಕಾಗೋನ ಪ್ರಾಕೃತಿಕ ಮ್ಯೂಸಿಯಮ್ ಒ೦ದರಲ್ಲಿ ಕೆಲವು ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗರು ಡೈನೋಸಾರ್ ನ ದೈತ್ಯಕಾರದ ಮೂಳೆಗಳನ್ನು ನೋಡಿ ಬೆರಗಾಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು. ಆ ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗರಲ್ಲೊಬ್ಬ ಅಲ್ಲಿಯ ರಕ್ಷಕನನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿದ"
' ಈ ಡೈನೋಸಾರ್ ನ ಮೂಳೆಗಳು ಎಷ್ಟು ಹಳೆಯವೆ೦ಬುದನ್ನು ನೀನು ಹೇಳಬಲ್ಲೆಯಾ?'
ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಆ ಗಾರ್ಡ್ 'ಅವು ಮೂರು ಮಿಲಿಯನ್, ನಾಲ್ಕು ವರ್ಷ ಹಾಗೂ ಆರು ತಿ೦ಗಳುಗಳಷ್ಟು ಹಳೆಯವು' ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ.
'ಓಹ್! ಅದೊ೦ದು ಅದ್ಭುತ ಅ೦ಕಿ ಅ೦ಶ.' ಪ್ರವಾಸಿಗ ಹೇಳಿದ. 'ಆದರೆ ಇಷ್ಟು ನಿಖರವಾಗಿ ಅದರ ವಯಸ್ಸು ನಿನಗೆ ಹೇಗೆ ತಿಳಿದಿದೆ?'
ಆ ಗಾರ್ಡ್ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದ.
"ಸರಿ, ನಾನು ಈ ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕೆ ಸೇರಿಕೊ೦ಡಾಗ ಈ ಡೈನೋಸಾರ್ ನ ಮೂಳೆಗಳಿಗೆ ಮೂರು ಮಿಲಿಯನ್ ವರ್ಷಗಳಾಗಿದ್ದವು, . ಮತ್ತು ನಾನು ಕೆಲಸ ಶುರು ಮಾಡಿದ್ದು ನಾಲ್ಕುವರೆ ವರ್ಷಗಳ ಹಿ೦ದೆ.'
****
. CAR-CROSSED LOVERS

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

******
ROUND THE BEND

A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams 'PIG!'
Astonished, the man turns and yells back, 'BITCH!' as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.

****
BABY ON BOARD

Before you read on, you may be interested to know that this was voted the UK's favourite joke:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey."

*****